After three years (and many more Grammy awards), Billie Eilish finally released her long-awaited third album, HIT ME HARD AND SOFT. Coming off the success of the Barbie movie and the song “What Was I Made For?”, which won Eilish the Academy Award for Best Original Song and the Grammy for Song of the Year (both rightfully deserved), I wondered what her next project would sound like. While her first two albums were different in substance, there is a consistency with that “Billie Eilish” style and production, and that obviously didn’t change from her last hit single. While I am fond of her music, having put her first two albums comfortably in the “A-tier”, I would hope that she changes her tune a bit and gives her audience something refreshing.

Let’s get into it.

The album starts off with “SKINNY”, which honestly fulfilled my expectations as to the type of opener she would use. It’s very, and I mean very, reminiscent of “What Was I Made For?”. Of course, while I loved that single, you’re going to have to do a little better than present an old dog with no new tricks. Don’t get me wrong, “SKINNY” is a fine song, but I’d be lying if I said that I was taken in by it; I was already rolling my eyes within the first thirty seconds of the track. I would also like to add that the lyricism and wordplay is a little corny, trying to force the age-old narrative of a child prodigy coming of age and to terms with their fame. We’ve heard it done plenty of times and done better. I will say though that the orchestral section towards the end gave the song a much-needed boost.

Now to the song that has grabbed the attention of quite a number of people, though I believe that it will wane a lot sooner than many think. “LUNCH” is, what many are already calling, a “lesbian anthem”. In an ode to the act of cunnilingus, Billie Eilish tows a careful line in trying to be raunchy, though not too far to the point where it ends up being corny and unintentionally funny. I’ll be honest when I say that the lyrics aren’t done in poor taste (pun not intended), with some of the lines being quite clever. However, from a musical perspective, this song does not phase me. Not only does it feel out of place for Eilish, but it almost seems like she was trying to create the song of the summer, one that would get people moving. Unfortunately for her, Kendrick Lamar already took that spot with “Not Like Us”.

“CHIHIRO” is another song off the album that has been garnering some positive attention. I can say that the production is very well done, including a funky bass line that carries the whole thing along. There is also the addition of some very tasty synths that is too hard for me to ignore. That being said, there aren’t many other positive things I can say about “CHIHIRO”. Eilish’s voice does its usual thing, except that it’s used on a very uninspiring and quite dreadful melody. To make matters worse, the chorus on this song is the worst off this album, being the equivalent of scratching a chalkboard. It was at this point in the record that I began to notice a particular pattern, in which the production seems to be carrying the weight of these tracks.

Booking-Agent

Towards the center of the record, we get the two major stinkers (in my humble opinion, of course). “BIRDS OF A FEATHER” comes first, and it might just be the most off-putting song Eilish has given us. Almost every single facet and layer of this song sounds as if though it was ripped out of a 2000’s pop radio station, and not in a good way. It may seem like I’m exaggerating but take a listen, especially the guitars and the percussion elements. It’s honestly one of the cheesiest tunes I’ve heard in a long time, and the melody chosen to wrap it up doesn’t make it any better. The lyrics and rhyme schemes aren’t doing it justice either, here’s an example:

“But you’re so full of shit, uh. Tell me it’s a bit, oh. Say you don’t see it, your mind’s polluted. Say you wanna quit, don’t be stupid.”

Regarding the second disappointment, being “THE GREATEST”, there isn’t much I could honestly say about it. Looking back at my notes, the only thing I had were the words “honk-shoo” written three times, because that’s what was going to happen near the end of my first listen. There just isn’t anything there, an astounding lack of substance for a song that was nearly five minutes long. The only good thing I can say about “THE GREATEST” was the explosion of sound towards the end of it, but it’s still too little too late. I guess I could also add that it has a good message that was written well. This song honestly had every potential of being “the greatest” in this album, and that’s what makes it the most disappointing.

However, in a fashionable sense of irony, “WILDFLOWER” sits between these two songs, and it’s arguably the best off the record. Production and vocals are obviously off the charts on this song, that’s just the obvious. I do want to give credit to the well-written narrative of Eilish getting with the ex of a friend way too soon, and how the emotions of her vocals match perfectly with it. The acoustic and moody outro is honestly my favorite part of the song, as it wraps it all up neatly.

The other song that I would argue for being the best is also next to “THE GREATEST”, which would be “L’AMOUR DE MA VIE”. I’m sure most people would agree when I say that the song takes the listener on a rollercoaster. The first part of the song may not be original sounding, but it’s too damn charming, even for my cynical self. The instrumentation is nice, and Eilish’s voice goes through different motions to match with it. The second part, which I’m sure took everyone by surprise, is just as good. Now, I wouldn’t ever doubt that Eilish could kill it on a euro beat, but damn did she impress. The synth textures were really good, and the vocal effects were just enough to fit everything in place.

Unfortunately, though, it doesn’t get better from here.

I kid you not, within the first two seconds of listening to “THE DINER”, I immediately went to listen to the iconic “Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This) by Eurythmics. Of course, as I went back to listen to “THE DINER”, I realized that I was essentially listening to the same song, just a far less exciting version of it with more bass. That’s all I can say about this song, to be honest. There’s also not much anything to say about the next song, “BITTERSUITE”. Synths dominate the front and back end of the track, with Eilish softly singing an atrociously boring melody over a more subtle version of the “Hotline Bling” reggae beat.

“BLUE”, the concluding track, is a fair improvement from the last two tracks. The song consists of a mid-tempo beat that features a good performance from Eilish. However, it climaxes near the two-minute mark, with the tempo slowing down and Eilish singing a nice melody towards the beginning of that section. However, the track still drags on longer than it should, ending with another string section, as if we haven’t already heard a few.

Here are my ratings for each song on a scale of 0-4:

  1. SKINNY – 3
  2. LUNCH – 2
  3. CHIHIRO – 2
  4. BIRDS OF A FEATHER – 1
  5. WILDFLOWER – 4
  6. THE GREATEST – 1
  7. L’AMOUR DE MA VIE – 4
  8. THE DINER – 2
  9. BITTERSUITE – 2
  10. BLUE – 2

SCORE/Mediocre: To say I’m disappointed in what I’ve heard would be a drastic understatement. I’ve seen reviews from other critics, and they’re showering this album with a lot more praise than I expected. Two things must be happening: either Billie Eilish really did become a critic’s darling, or the others are hearing something that I’m not. Call me arrogant, but seeing the way things have gone, I’m sticking with the former statement.

While there are some things about this album that I absolutely love, there were parts that were a drag to listen to. When Eilish came into the scene, she was offering something that was quite new and unique, which was what I appreciated about her work and that of her brother. Even in Happier Than Ever¾ it was evident that Eilish wanted to expand her horizons and grow out of her shell. That isn’t what I got from HIT ME HARD AND SOFT, quite the opposite, actually. That being said, fans of Billie Eilish are going to be content with this album, as it’s essentially giving them what they want. I guess we’ll have to wait and see where Eilish goes from here.

[We rank singles, EPs, and albums on a scale of Poor, Mediocre, Good, Excellent, and Outstanding]

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